Battle Ready Page 14

  Write down three positive sentences, in the present tense, about how you would like to be. Don’t be afraid to set the bar high. Then repeat these sentences first thing in the morning and when you get up.

  1.

  2.

  3.

  AVOID SOCIAL NETWORKING FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

  I often fantasise about coming off the grid and having one of the old burner (phone-only) mobiles, with no internet on it. For many of us, the first thing we do on waking is reach for our mobile phone to check our emails, news feeds or social-network sites. Aside from wasting valuable time, your positive mood can be instantly swayed towards the negative by reading a disappointing email or a misguided comment on your social feed. As soon as you turn on your mobile device you lose your connection with yourself, while social networking makes you vulnerable – almost co-dependent – on the volume of your likes, on that very reward system.

  It’s a problem that so many people’s self-esteem is based on how many followers they’ve got on Instagram, the likes they receive, or even better, encouraging comments for their photographic dispatches and disclosures of their lives. There are still a few wild places on Earth where the indigenous people refuse to be photographed because they believe they are giving up part of their soul. I wonder if they know just how right they are? For even though these people are living in the technological equivalent of the Middle Ages with no phones or electricity and an inability to project themselves and their perfect house / meal / lifestyle / girlfriend / smile across continents in seconds, what they do have is authenticity and self-governance. They haven’t handed over the right to others – be it strangers or friends – to determine with a thumbs-up emoji whether or not they feel wanted or irrelevant.

  We need to redefine how often we use these things. First of all, there was Friends Reunited, not awfully user-friendly or sexy to look at but handy if you wanted to track down an old mate or former flame. The next incarnation (by a completely different creator) was much stealthier and more appealing. It was called Facebook and though it offered the same function as Friends Reunited of tracking down long-lost people with the press of a button, it also enabled them to be a part of your day via posting what they were up to with photographs and videos, presenting an altogether more intimate window into their lives. And you could be flirty too with a ‘poke’, you could ‘love’ and ‘like’. These windows allowed you to comment on whether or not you liked their new purchase or celebrate with them that they felt happy or blessed . . . And in return they would hopefully do the same for you, and each time a harmless little poke licked your ear and warmed your cockles you experienced a little reward, a frisson of something you grew to love.

  Before you knew it you looked forward to getting messages from these new friends (or old friends, or people who had never been your friends at school) who were generous enough to trawl you and every other creature they’d ever met, in their long-line gill nets as they dragged along with their global circle of friends. And as we became blissfully lost in the glow of our cyber honey-moon, we never knew that algorithms more intelligent than their Facebook creators had been developed to track and assess our browsing patterns, comments and dislikes. No wonder Facebook was worth hundreds of millions in no time at all. They held the ultimate key to power: knowledge; for while we were happily oblivious to what was happening to us, Facebook had a pretty good idea of the monster they were creating. Validation from others was the drug we craved and took in multiple shots, and in our glazed stupefaction up popped those ads of holidays we’d dreamed of or clothes we’d expressed an interest in, targeted with sniper precision.

  Without our knowing but entirely within the founders’ intent, we became a victim of a social-modification empire, of which there are now a number, including Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google and Instagram, all of them valuable data banks and fertile predatory ground for advertisers. When we begin to realise that our ego is the one that allowed us to get washed along and taken in by all this crap, we can begin to see these social networks for what they are, and for what we are to them: little lab rats in a vast cyber-maze experiencing dopamine hits of pleasure each time we receive a like or a nice comment.

  As Jaron Lanier, the Silicon Valley scientist renowned for spilling the beans on the dangers of social media, asserts in his brilliant book Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Networks Right Now:

  When people get a flattering response in exchange for posting something on social media, they get in the habit of posting more. That sounds innocent enough, but it can be the first stage of an addiction that becomes a problem for individuals and society . . . When many people are addicted to manipulative schemes the world gets dark and crazy.

  Sean Parker, ex-first president of Facebook, now admits, ‘It’s a social validation feedback loop . . . exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology . . . it changes your relationship with society, with each other. God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains.’ And former vice-president of user growth at Facebook, Chamath Palihapitiya, adds:

  The short-term dopamine-driven feedback loops we’ve created are destroying how society works . . . I feel tremendous guilt. I think in the back, back recesses (of our minds) we knew something bad could happen . . . Facebook is eroding the core foundation of how people behave by and between each other. My solution is using these tools only for that which is vital and that’s as far as it goes.

  The behaviour Palihapitiya is referring to is a loss of empathy, and a deepening sense of isolation as the world around us becomes less real the more addicted and dependent we become on our little highs. So, don’t go anywhere near your smartphone, computer or any other gadget that has social-network sites on it first thing in the morning. And avoid watching the news first thing too because it’s probably going to be death and destruction and negativity, and you just don’t need that kickstarting your day.

  EXERCISE: WHERE’S MY PHONE?

  Get in the habit of not having your phone in your bedroom when it charges overnight. Leave it in the kitchen, or the living room, or just outside the bedroom door if you use it for an alarm clock. Or, if you’re in a bedsit, hide it away in your bag. Trust me, you will sleep better when you go to bed, you won’t be tempted to look at it during the night, and you won’t be able to use it first thing. Write down a promise to yourself here, identifying the new location of your phone overnight.

  I promise to keep my phone

  BREATHING

  ‘Breathe half, live half!’

  – Stig Avall Severinsen

  Breath is the very essence of life, it’s why we can live on this planet, and yet many of us don’t pay particular attention to the way we breathe, or how it affects us when we breathe properly. One of the first things that happens when we’re nervous or stressed is our breath shortens and our inhalations become shallow to the extent that we’re only taking in 30 per cent of the air we usually would if we were feeling grounded and unthreatened. The impact of this is that we pump less oxygen to the brain and in doing so lose our normal mental dexterity, which makes us produce more of the stress hormone, cortisol.

  I’d gotten myself into such a bad way with alcohol and anti-depressants before I left Baghdad that I wasn’t doing any exercise. Just drinking heavily, smoking, doing everything I could do that was self-harming. I was on a destructive path, consciously making the decision to get hammered, and as a result having regular anxiety attacks. I’d never experienced anything like that in my life before. There were moments when I thought I was dying, I couldn’t breathe and it felt as if my body was closing down. I didn’t understand what was happening to me, and I really thought that I was going to end up in a mental hospital and left there because I was clinically insane.

  The solutions to every problem are within us, even for something as violently traumatic as a panic attack. In these moments, you must remember to breathe. It’s all about pulling yourself back from the flames of hysteria to stillness, and breathing is the qu
ickest rebalancer and antidote to panic. Breathing is everything.

  In moments of absolute mayhem in your head, there’s so much information for your brain to take in, and this is where you need to create a moment to debug, a pause. That means creating a gap. If you find yourself in a highly charged situation, before you start to focus on the one or two things that really matter, breathe for at least four inhalations and exhalations. The renewal of breath allows us clarity and thought. We then understand what it is that we’ve got to focus on. Triaging the situation is looking at the priorities that really matter and getting rid of all the gunk that doesn’t. What can I control in this moment?

  EXERCISE: BOX BREATHING

  In the Special Forces in a number of countries, they teach ‘Box Breathing’, a means of centring the nervous soldier and calming the mind to achieve the best performance. This simple technique can be used by anybody and applied at any time and in any place, be it before an interview you might be feeling anxious about, making a speech or presentation, when you are forced into a pressured situation, or as a means of meditation.

  Step 1: Inhale deeply through your nose for four seconds.

  Step 2: Hold for four seconds.

  Step 3: Breathe out through your mouth for four seconds.

  Step 4: Hold for another four seconds.

  Repeat four times and allow this pattern to form a more regulated and structured breathing cycle. Practise regularly and it will become less forced and engineered. Not only that, it will keep cortisol at bay and allow you to approach all matters with a more relaxed and clearer frame of mind.

  MEDITATION

  Meditation allows you to reach a state of stillness in yourself, a moment’s peace. Once in that relaxed state, you can start to focus your attention at an intention you want to realise and consciously develop it. It’s about clearing away all the mental garbage and endless chatter of those 100,000 thoughts racing around your brain on any given day. Sometimes while meditating, I drift away on a train of thought and then have to bring myself back to the meditation and recentre my mind as it’s so easy for me to get distracted.

  Meditation starts with observing your breath, the feeling of the air passing through your nose as you inhale, the rise of your chest as it fills with air, and then the slow exhalation of that breath. To do yourself justice you’ll need to find somewhere quiet and something comfortable on which to lie down, like a yoga mat. The word ‘inspire’ derives from the old Greek word inspiro, meaning ‘to breathe life into’. And this is what we’re doing when we observe this fundamental function of ourselves. Breath connects us to the world around us and centres us. When you practise box breathing with your eyes closed and just focus on the breaths, it slows your heartbeat and immediately starts to relax your emotional and physical state.

  Meditation (my surfer pals tell me) is like surfing in that it takes practice to get in your flow. If (unlike me) you’re a competent surfer, you ride a wave without thinking about it, subconsciously changing your feet’s position on the board in order to control it. Paddling out on a rough sea, constantly ducking under white-water mush that’s trying to take you all the way back to beach, can be soul-destroying for the beginner. Learning to read waves and wait for the interval between sets so you can paddle out beyond the impact zone is hard-won knowledge and to get there you must go through the painful learning process.

  The problem with human beings is we want the low-hanging fruit, we want quick results without doing the hard work. I may want to be able to surf waves like Kelly Slater without doing any practice. What’s more frustrating is the fact I know exactly what I’ve got to do to be of a decent standard, I understand the process required. But before I can glide like a bird across that blue wall of glass I need to start with the basics of learning how to pop-up off my board and position myself in the right place to catch the peel of the wave. The same can be said for meditating. It’s possible you’ll find it tricky to relax, lying on your back wondering what the hell you are doing to start with, but in a short space of time meditating becomes a trusted route to relaxation, and an oasis for the self where we can regather our energy and centre ourselves to be open to the gifts each new day has in store for us. Meditation not only helps us reduce stress, but improves our concentration, increases self-awareness and keeps us in the present; it’s also good for promoting mental and physical well-being and induces happiness.

  While I was a serving member of the Special Forces we were surrounded by chaos every day. Fortunately, we had systems, processes and routines designed to help deal with that chaos. Our minds were focused and controlled to deal with anything. My issues started when I left the Special Forces and I found myself bereft of these vital processes, and chaos ran riot in my life, both at home and in war zones. I found meditation out of desperation and it has been my friend ever since. It’s curious that in the West we train our body so hard but fail to see how vital it is to provide the mind with the same level of maintenance. Until you’re mentally prepared, you’ll never be physically ready.

  EXERCISE: MEDITATION

  1. Set your alarm for ten minutes.

  2. Begin box breathing, in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four. Concentrate on your breath, feel the air as it moves in and out of your body.

  3. On the fourth breath as you exhale close your eyes, bringing your focus onto your breath.

  4. As you control your breathing, focus on the future you want.

  5. Anytime your mind wanders bring it back to the breath.

  6. When you have a routine and your mind is clear, ask yourself the question: ‘What is my number one goal?’

  The initial focus here, and one that is ongoing, is the ability to clear our minds of distracting topics and scenarios and learn to focus. Once you can do this the benefits are obvious in everyday life. The mind chatter will fade and the clarity of thought will allow creativity to flow.

  MIND AND BODY FOR LIFE NOT FOR LOOKS

  The benefits of physical exercise are endless for both the body and the mind. Every time you exercise:

  • You’re showing respect to your body, telling it you care, which is good for your self-esteem

  • Endorphins are produced by the brain which make you feel more positive. They also aid your memory and make you feel mentally sharper

  • Increases motor skills, ease of movement

  • It boosts self-esteem (at my lowest in Brisbane it picked me up despite my lack of purpose in the oil company)

  • Helps you sleep

  • Improves bone strength and builds muscle

  • Gives you more energy

  • Helps you lose weight

  • Improves your immune system

  • Aids digestion and speeds metabolism

  • Boosts your sex drive

  • Reduces stress and anxiety

  • Helps lessen depression

  • Helps fight Alzheimer’s

  • Lessens the symptoms of Parkinson’s

  • Fights addiction cravings by providing you with dopamine, the reward chemical associated with sex, drugs and alcohol

  • Increases relaxation

  The average adult should be doing between 75 and 150 minutes of exercise per week, be it moderate exercise like walking or cycling or more strenuous like running, swimming, yoga, spin class, aerobics, skipping, boxercise, football . . . I could go on! Basically, anything that gets your heart going quicker than it usually does. Looking good should be a by-product of exercise not the be all and end all. It’s about feeling good on the inside.

  Exercise formed a vital part of my recovery from alcohol abuse and kept me on the straight and narrow to fulfil my goals. The best kind of exercise is that which gives you a cardiovascular workout. My morning run during bootcamp and to this day is always alternated by a circuit of exercises.

  The best exercise is that which takes you outside in the elements. It’s here that the soul is healed and your lungs fill with fresh air. If you’re running or doing som
e form of workout in a park or the countryside, reconnecting with nature clears your head and sets the mind free creatively. Many find their best ideas come while exercising. Certainly that’s the case with me. When we stay inside our houses it’s as if we’re boxed in, limited by their dimensions. Outside, nature is full of abundance, there is space and energy that fuels the mind giving it the medicine it needs. Interestingly, mental illness shares the common trait of keeping their victims prisoners inside.

  Everybody has different fitness levels they start at so it’s pointless me suggesting a mean average here, but a morning routine might consist of jogging, press-ups, stomach crunches, squats, burpees and short sprints. Find your own limits and slowly build them up. It’s better to do two sets of 15 burpees than 30 burpees at once and tire yourself out or pull a muscle. Take it slowly; life is a marathon not a sprint.

  EXERCISE: I DON’T LIKE RUNNING

  If running isn’t your bag, a good way to get into it is to run 50 paces then walk 100 paces. Over a period of time slowly increase the running count to say 100, while at the same time reducing the walking to 50.

  Gradually increase your running duration and number of sets and keep a record of your progress. Just looking at your success gives you the encouragement you need to keep going.

  When we become depressed one of the first things that goes out of the window is exercise and watching what we put into our bodies. So when our input of healthy food and exercise stops it has a direct effect on our output. No wonder we can’t achieve much when we’re blue, for our self-esteem falls, as does our motivation, our energy levels and sense of get-up-and-go. We gravitate to old habits of lazy eating, scoffing chocolate in excess, fatty foods, crisps, ready-made meals that take a few minutes to cook in a microwave and require no prep or finessing, takeaways . . . and our five-a-day ends up being rather less. So more calories and no exercise adds up to us putting on more weight and feeling bad about ourselves because we’ve abandoned ourselves to neglect.